Accentuate the Positive

“Man, they said we better, accentuate the positive / Eliminate the negative / Latch on to the affirmative / Don’t mess with Mister In-Between…” Words by Johnny Mercer

Transphilosopher  wrote

The psychiatric conception sees the desire for HRT/GCS as pathological, as a medical condition to be fixed, cured, or managed. While it is true that many trans people do in fact see their transness as a medical condition and many trans people experience gender dysphoria to the point of it being incredibly psychosocially distressing, this is not necessarily the case for all people seeking access to HRT, GCS, or top surgery. Some trans people claim to experience no significant gender dysphoria at all. Rather, their desire for HRT/GCS is rooted in gender euphoria, the palpable sense of relief and joy that comes from having their desired body and/or being treated as their identified gender.

Transitions have a starting point and an end point. The end point I guess is when one feels complete, that there is nothing else to change/refine. But what was my starting point; when did what used to be called ‘real life experience (RLE)’ start. As of now, I am not out to everyone, but I don’t hide who I am. Since coming back from our Norway trip in February 2016 I have not dressed in anything other than clothes that come from the women’s section. I did decide that I would adopt the name Toni, which is phonetically identical to my previously known name of Tony – it just felt the obvious thing to do and I completed a Deed Poll in November. My drivers licence now bears the code indicating female. And I am the happy possessor of a UK Passport indicating my sex as Female (think they mean Gender). I am not in full time employment so don’t have that to provide evidence of the start of RLE, though I have volunteered with Oxfam since early July 2016 and am known as Toni to everyone there.

I truly am not really sure what gender dysphoria is and if I have it. My Gender Doctor is of the opinion that I do (and I guess with the experience gained from 3000+ patients she might be expected to know). I do know that I wish my face didn’t look so male so much of the time, that I wasn’t misgendered so often (though I understand why); I wish I passed as the woman I feel myself to be (but decades of being told how to be male and being poisoned by Testosterone takes so much undoing). However, I love the sense of freedom that comes from being dressed in my clothes from the women’s dept (but not in the way a cross-dresser might) and I totally love the feelings I get from the oestrogen coursing through my body. So I can identify with those transgender folk who experience euphoria from, at last, acknowledging and feeding my true gender.

Why does any of this matter? In many ways it doesn’t. I know my true gender and I am happy to be, at last, living it. But next week I have my first session with the gatekeepers of NHS funding of hormones and surgery. It would be nice to have their active support.

Wish me luck. With much love, (and a Happy New Year)

Toni

4 thoughts on “Accentuate the Positive

  1. Just a few questions Toni

    1. “But not in the way a cross-dresser might” Can you explain what you mean by that statement? It looks to me to be quite sweeping and many would find it ill informed if I am correct in my understanding of the point you make.
    2. “A medical condition to be fixed, cured or managed” I know these are not your words but without providing substance to the quotation and expanding on that argument are we to take it that this would be your own position?

    Gender Dysphoria as far as I understand it to be is dysphoria (stress) a person experiences as a result of the sex and gender they were assigned at birth. In other words the birth gender does not match the person’s gender identity. I do find it strange that you are saying you do not know what it is. You are having your first meeting with those in the NHS who can facilitate your next steps. Do make sure you have all your ducks in a row so to speak, that you understand fully what gender dysphoria is, that you are commited to the journey you are about to embark on.

    I hope I have not come across as too negative.

    I wish you good luck as you make that journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your comments.

      I have a couple of friends who are cross-dressers and who report being somewhat aroused by their cross-dressing. Not all do, but it was their comments I had in mind. I have absolutely no wish to offend anyone. These friends say CD is a ‘thrill’ and will often try to share photos of their latest (rather sexual) outfits. I just find it natural to dress the way most women do, which in this weather is jeans and a warm jumper. But I should have been more careful in my language.

      It is good to see you use stress in place of dysphoria; in truth I hadn’t seen that before and it helps me understand better. Yes, I am stressed by my body not expressing the gender I feel, so I have to accept this is a ‘condition’ I experience. I get cross at the psychological overtones from the term dysphoria.

      I am certainly committed to this journey and having been on monitored hormones for year, am ‘on my way’. I am frustrated by how long the NHS Gender Pathway can take and how long the gap between meetings. But I do need to be positive for this meeting and I thank you for challenging me, and for you wish of good luck. Toni

      Liked by 1 person

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