Writing my post for Transgender Day of Visibility 2016 I noted that I was then out to only a few and pledged to be out to many by Transgender Day of Visibility 2017.
Well a year has passed and where am I?
With the exception of a few men who tend an allotment with me, I am out to everyone I know. My name is legally changed to Toni, I hold a passport with the coveted F; my drivers licence, medical records, tax affairs, bank accounts are all showing the correct name and gender. On May 11th I take the major step in bringing alignment between my body and my identity. In less than 6 weeks I will have passed beyond ‘no going back’. And I am so looking forward to it.
I have been pleasantly surprised by how accepting people have been. Of course I get mis-gendered all the time; I know that my face does not ‘pass’; testosterone has done its damage over too many years.
And that brings me to what I want to explore today, namely that although the ‘packaging’ has changed, the content remains the same.
I am the same person my friends have known since whenever we met. I am the same person my sweet and loving wife met, fell in love with and married some 21 years ago. Of course we all change a little as we age, as we experience new things, but the fundamental personality is really the same as it has always been. I think that is true for all of us. It’s very rare that someones personality changes drastically unless there has been a deeply traumatic event or they’ve developed a mental decline like Alzheimers.
I have been blessed by being in 3 loving and fulfilling relationships, the third of which we are determined will last for the rest of our lives.
It is never easy for a wife to accept her husband transitioning. It is sad that the majority of couples part, so I am particularly blessed. I guess many wives feel that they have been lied to and maybe if the husband has known of their gender issues from before the marriage but kept silent then that feeling is quite justified.
As I have written before, I grew up with the belief and understanding that gender and sex were one and the same and that gender was just a polite word for sex. So truthfully any sense of my gender being different to that assigned at birth never registered; I always felt that I was a ‘gentle-man’. It has only been in the last few years that I have had any sense of the truth that I have always been more a woman than a man, I just never had a clue.
So on this Transgender Day of Visibility 2017 I acknowledge the love and support of my sweet wife; she is a loving and generous soul. I love her as much, if not more, as life itself.
Thank you, my sweet Lady